From Script to Screen - Idea Development

Here's a bit more of a story for my idea. It's a bit different from the first development post I made, so let me know if you think I'm going in the right direction!

The animation opens on an office worker at his desk. He is approached by his boss and is let go from his job as the company is cutting down on staff. The man packs his things, leaves the office tower block and goes home to his wife and daughter. The daughter is out in the garden playing with her skipping rope and, to raise his spirits, the man goes out and plays with her. They have fun outside for the rest of the day, but as the next few weeks pass, the family begins to struggle - they're running out of money quickly and the man can't find a new job fast enough. He becomes more and more depressed and goes through so many interview rejections that he begins to give up on job hunting and spends more time in his home without the energy to even get out of bed. The next scene cuts to the outside of the house with a 'for sale' sign up and the little girl and her mother looking out of the window at it The girl looks sadly at her dad slumped on the sofa. Suddenly the little girl has an idea. She goes up to her parents' room where she spends some times rummaging, until she finds what she is looking for and pulls out an old box from under the bed. As she goes through the box, you see that it's full of clown props and clothes. The girl finds a picture in the box which shows her dad as a young boy, clutching an old skipping rope and looking up at an older man, his father, who is dressed in the clown outfit. The girl brings the picture downstairs and shows her dad, who smiles at the photo. The little girl then hands the dad her skipping rope. Her dad takes the picture and the rope and stands up from the sofa, looking determined! The next scene shows the house again, and this time the 'for sale' sign has been taken away. and replaced by a sign that reads 'clown and party organiser for hire'. In the back garden, there is a party, with balloons, decorations and a cake. In the middle of the garden is the man, dressed up as a clown, skipping whilst blowing up a balloon in the middle of a crowd of kids who are clapping him on. When the party ends, the man's wife takes a photograph of her daughter him together that resembles the picture from the previous scene. The animation ends by zooming in on this picture, which slowly fades out into the older picture of the man and his father from many years ago.

It seems quite long when you put it down in writing, but I think I could fit this into two minutes. I just hope the story seems good!